The Ecphorizer

The Disorient Express
Neal Wilgus

Issue 09 (April 2007)

All the news that LEAK spits out...

Random Press, UT (LEAK) - Scientists and government officials are urgently searching for an explanation to yesterday's mysterious change in direction(s). As is now universally appreciated, at 2:03 am. Greenwich the old sense of direction (and thus all rational orientation) either disappeared or was suspended.

...when one sets out to go north (assuming one knows where that is) one would soon find oneself heading south or east...

The Change has already been likened to the discovery of Fire and the invention of the Screw.

With directional inconsistency now being the order of the day, the common experience is that when one sets out to go north (assuming one knows where that is) one would soon find oneself heading south or east, west or whatever. Up and down do not seem to be affected. So far.

To find out why such a change has occurred we sent investigative reporter Ray Team to the University of North to interview the famous Dr. Isaac Einstein, an expert on universal directionality and metrological consistency. Unfortunately Ray Team called from New Zealand to report that he had lost his way and was stranded indefinitely at some location presently unknown. Other reporters have mentioned similar difficulties.

By sheer coincidence Dr. Isaac Einstein and his assistant Venus Uranus stumbled into the LEAK News Room at that moment, looking for directions. We were unable to help in that department, but took the opportunity to ask about the Change and where we might be headed. He looked mystified and shrugged his elbows.

"We seem to be caught in some kind of directional drift," said Venus Uranus, reading from a prepared script. "The Isaac Einstein Foundation is accepting donations for our Directional Research Project/Find a Way, Inc. Please withhold all donations, however, while negotiations with the Postal Corporation continue."  

Neal's been a frequent contributor to the original print version of the Ecphorizer and now he has graciously offered to let us reprint some of his original poems and stories.  These three stories of "newsalizing the nation" first appeared in The Leakoids: Newsalizing the Nation, © 2006 Neal Wilgus, published by Juxtopedia Press in Corrales, New Mexico. For information regarding "newsalizing," please click here.

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