The Ecphorizer
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When I was a young man and used to think funny
All the things that a Doctor would do to make money, My mother would counsel: "Oh, son, help your self! For only a Doctor has beaucoups de Pelf !" Heigh ho, for The Fee, heigh ho! Heigh ho, for the Fee, heigh ho! I never ccmplained of my teachers' palaver And I hewed to my notes, and my books, and cadaver. I always remembered my mother's advice And glommed all the Money (though Gold might suffice!) Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Heigh ho, for The Fee! A pneumonic once said, "Save my life and I'll pay" So I said, "Cough it up by the end of the day!" I "never take barter and never give credit," And I owe all my wealth to the Doctor who said it. The Fee! Heigh ho! Heigh ho! My first "hot" Appendix - I punctured the bowel,
But I patched up my error and sewed in a towel! The patient complained that he kept feeling ill, But he REALLY turned green when I gave him The Bill! Heigh ho for The Fee! Heigh ho! Heigh ho for The Fee! I set up a practice as Diagnostician And soon had a partner, the local Mortician! I told folks they'd live! (If they paid me My Fee!) And then he "let then down" if they didn't agree. Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Heigh ho for The Fee! I was young, I was smart, I was raking in dough; They were old, they were sick, it was their "time to go!" But as I got older, I mended my ways For "a patient who 'stays' is a patient who 'pays'!" Heigh ho for The Fee! Heigh no! When I went to Saint Peter, he bolted the gate, But another Quack entered "The Portals of Fate!" "Pete, as a Doctor, I bate this omission!" He answered: "God thinks that just HE'S a Physician!" Heigh ho for The Feel Heigh ho! Heigh ho for The Fee! Now, as I wield my pitchfork in nethermost Hades I think of my patients, the men and old ladies Whose lives I have ruined, whose fortunes and health As I went for The Wealth, for The Wealth, for the Wealth! Heigh ho for The fee! Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Heigh ho for The Fee! Heigh! HO! ![]() |
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