The Ecphorizer

That Girl in Tijuana
ted kelly

Issue #11 (July 1982)

A ballad dedicated to the donna with no clothes onna


Editor's Note: Mr kelly offers this explanation about the following: "...this is really not a poem, but a lyric to a hit song of which i have not yet composed the tune to yet, not, haven't." We have tried to set it to the tune of Rule Britannia but it fails to scan. Suggestions from readers will be welcome.

When the press of business bugs you and you've got to get away
From emergencies that tug you as they try to make you stay,
What you need is renovating to restore your mind to ease,
With some mental elevating by a stripper that'll tease.
In the city there are girlies, only they're not quite as fine
As the ones that play in burlies in Tijuana, 'cross the line.

That girl in Tijuana, she's got no clothes onna;
Her costumes don't cost her a penny.
Some long flowing hair and a breath of stale air,
And the rest, well, there just isn't any.

First you go across the border and you head into this nook,
Then give the man your order and you settle down to look.
Pretty soon they turn the light on and it shines upon a Joe
Who will babble something foreign just to tell about the show,
Though you don't know what he's sayin' 'cause the speaker system's shot;
But the drummer starts a-playin' and the atmosphere gets hot.

That girl in Tijuana, she's got no clothes onna;
Her costume, as light as a feather,
Consists of the gaze of men she'll amaze,
And the spotlight, and snail bits of weather.

When the curtains part and Sandy makes her entrance on the floor,
You can see that she's just dandy, but there's no use crying "more!"
She reveals quite all her talents; There's no mere she can disclose,
And you'll only lose your balance, leaning o'er to find some clothes.
You would think that all the men are full of pity and are touched
By her lack of modest cover, 'cause they feel for her so much.

That girl in Tijuana, she's got no clothes onna;
Their lack doesn't make her uneasy.
She's wearing an air of devil-may-care,
And a posture that's saucy and teasy.

When you view her as a dancer, she leaves lots to be desired;
Namely her, 'cause she's the answer to what Ziegfeld once required.
When a tourist at the railside was requested to relate
What his views were from the male side of this foreign latin state,
He replied, It's very easy to describe this country's charm:
Though the scenery here is breezy, man, it's soft and smooth and warm!"

That girl in Tijuana, she's got no clothes onna.
The shape of her form is exquisite.
No bubble or fan disguises her tan,
So you'd better go pay her a visit. 

Observer of the Tijuana scene ted kelly lives in Santa Monica, CA.  He is an aerospace electronics engineer.

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