The Ecphorizer

Personalities Up Against The Wall
contributed by Doug Chang

issue #04 (December 1981)

Bathroom humor from the Xerox circuit

[quoteleft]Anyone who has worked in a large office has probably seen the sheets of humor usually brought in by salesman, that are copied and passed from desk to desk. Typically in their 50th Xerox incarnation, they are nearly illegible compilations of bathroom jokes, or

Holds left thumb with right hand, wets pants.

worse. Doug Chang captured a prime specimen recently and sent it to us. After some soul searching, not to mention a staff project to clean up its terminology, we hereby offer it as a bit of classic Americana.

It purports to be a recent study of psychological types encountered in a men's restroom Obviously, the “researcher” was of the male persuasion.

Sociable Man

Joins friends in trip to restroom whether he has to go or not, figures it doesn't cost anything.

Excitable Man

Shorts are twisted around so he cannot find opening in front; rips shorts apart.

Crosseyed Man

Stands at center urinal, goes in one at left, flushes one at right.

Timid Man

Cannot go if anyone is watching; flushes urinal is if he were finished, comes back later.

Indifferent Man

If all urinals are occupied, he uses sink.

Clever Man

"No hands, ma": Shows off by looking around, adjusting tie; wets shoes.

Absent-minded Man

Opens vest, pulls out tie, wets pants.

Frivolous Man

Plays stream up, down, and across urinal; attempts to hit flies. [see Editor's note at right]

Disgruntled Man

Thought he had to go; waits a while gives up, leaves, muttering to himself.

Patient Man

Stands very close, waiting for incredibly long time; reads paper with free hand.

Embarrassed Man

Flushes urinal so girlfriend in Women's Room won't hear him going.

Impatient Man

Always in a hurry; pees in hip picket of man ahead of him in line

Childish Man

Aims directly into pool at bottom of urinal; amused by splashing and bubbles.

Drunk Man

Holds left thumb with right hand, wets pants.

Withdrawn Man

Puts foot in urinal, pees down leg to prevent calling attention to himself by splashing.

Tough Man

Instead of shaking it dry, whacks it against side of urinal.

Really Tough Man

Whacks it against side of urinal, chips porcelain. 

He was a teenage math whiz in the 80s but that never stopped him from enjoying a good off-color joke! Editor's Note In Amsterdam's Shiphol Airport, men's urinals apparently have fake flies etched into the porcelain to help improve aim. This is part of a larger problem that has plagued men ever since humanity has built "sanitary" facilities - even before outhouses were conceived, that of proper aim. Here is one site that takes a tongue-in-cheek note of the problem.

More Articles by contributed by Doug Chang

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