My first, and probably not original - but being the first, I cannot exclude it. About a Hollywood celeb who helped out in a slum pest program:
STAR NETS TEN RATS
Then there was the gamekeeper who tried his hand at a Colt 45:
WARDEN OF FOX IS WOW SIX OFF ONE DRAW!A pointless observation:
ERE WE WEEN, NEE WE WERE
This one is about Forskin, a Middle Earth inhabitant who is not mentioned by Tolkien because he was a disgrace to his race, though not outright evil. A brother to Galadriel, Forskin was quietly shunted out of all knowledge because he was a lecherous old prevert, which was considered most unbecoming among Elves. But one time Forskin managed to escape Lothlorien and came to Buckland to molest young hobbits. It was on this occasion that Saradoc Buck said to his son:
FLEE, TAD, ROW ON NOW, OR DATE ELF
If you know why the Bucks were chosen to star in this sordid little tale, give yourself an "A" in Middle Earth studies. By the way, Forskin also talked strangely. When excited, he was prone to saying things like:
DID WELL: LIPS RED ...NOW'S IT...SIGH ...CUM MUCH.
GIST IS: WONDER SPILL. LEWD ID!
What would you say to an outraged, busy squirrel who mistakenly took a neon sign for food?:
REVOLT UNTIL NOON, LIT-NUT LOVER
Or to an untalented, ambitious starlet?:
DIVA? NEVER, EVE, NEVER EVEN AVID
A master spy assessing a dangerous development:
WELL, LIKE...DAMN US. OTTO'S UNMADE. KILL LEW.
An evil, efficient swiller:
DAEMON SPITS, EXES, TIPS NO MEAD
Our ancestors used oxcarts for transport, but did they given them lube jobs?:
RACK CALF, IF LACK CAR
What the mean supervisor in the pet store said to the packaging clerk:
'TIS SAFER WRAP A PA WREN AS SIT
WOE ME, MAN, STEP ON NO PET' S NAME. MEOW!
This one is sheer poetry. In other words, it doesn't make any sense:
NO OMEN, IF, AS I SIT -- IDLE MAN IN A MELD -- IT IS ...IS A FINE MOONMore poetry:
FLOW ASIDE, MANY A WADE POOL LOOPED AWAY. NAMED IS A WOLFAnd more yet:
SIR, IT'S I. MARY, LAST SEEN, KNOLLED DIAL-PETALS AT A SLATE-PLAID DELL ON KNEES. IT'S A LYRA MIST-IRIS.
Oscar Wilde's lament?:
EPOCHS OPEN, IF AGE BITES: PURE VENOM. I DIM ON, EVER. UPSET, I BEG A FINE, POSH COPE.
On the efficiency of household fixtures:
SIR, A POT'LL ACT NOW, BUT A TUB WON'T CALL TO PARIS
Discussing astrophysics south of the border:
"SENOR, DRAT," SEZ I, "NOISY ARRAYS IONIZE STAR DRONES."
Erotic or erratic?:
GARB TO NO DISSENT: I WAS A ROD AS I, PALM RAW, WENT ON SARA'S
NOT-NEW WARM LAP. ISADORA'S A WITNESS, I DO NOT BRAG.
For the past 11 years Albert Duro has been managing the computer network of a small municipality in the San Francisco Bay Area. Before that, he's done just about everything: programmer; janitor; library page; political operative; ranch hand; newspaper reporter/editor; busboy; salesclerk; assembly line worker, etc...
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