The Ecphorizer

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It's just Common Sense
Jerry McCann

Issue #07 (March 1982)

Come over to my house, ye devil, for a taste
   of McCann's own poteen;
Let yourself and your wife have the time of
   your life, but don't wear anything green

And bring Clancy and Clark and McKeville
   and O'Toole who's truly a great souse,
But be sure that McNutt has his umbrella
   shut before he sets foot in the house.

And we'll hold a Saint Paddy's Day revel
   and our singing will waken the dead;
We'll have whiskey and beer and a laugh and
   a tear, but don't throw your hat on the bed.

And devil a head'll be level,
   as the gang of us greet the new day,
Sure we'll have a grand ball, but look, don't
   come at all, if ye meet a black cat on the way. 

After publishing numerous books and plays in both Spanish and English, McCann has finally broken into The Ecphorizer. His reputation thus secured, he is content today merely to give small literary teas.

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Mensa Fortune Cookies
Bob Holmes

Issue #07 (March 1982)

If all the Mensans in the world were laid end to end, they'd still point in different directions.

It is said there is more than one way to skin a cat. Describe three.

You can lead a Mensan to water, but he'd rather have wine.

Two percent? Even cheap beer's stronger than that!

You have the feeling that the whole world is a multiple-choice test, and that you are none of the above.

When in Mensa, do as the Mensans do. That will keep you very busy.

You will meet some very intelligent people who will do strange things to your body.

Be kind to minorities - take a Mensan to lunch.

Mensans are testy types.

Owing to inflation, the qualifying score for Mensa has been raised to 264. You will be retested. 

...has spent a considerable time in China, where he conducted extensive field studies of fortune cookies. Some of the cookies still write to him.

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Jerry McCann