The Ecphorizer

Cucumbers, Arise
Myra Johnson

Issue #33 (May 1984)

Dear Nancy,

[quoteright]In your last letter, you asked me what kind of guys I had found out here in California. Well, let me tell you, they are a little different!

One date I had got so warm while we were dancing that he took off his coat and I discovered that

I have to get my lingerie out of the bathroom.

he had only ironed the front of his shirt. I wondered if he only washed one hand, too.

Then there was the guy that listened to disco so high in treble that all the dogs in the neighborhood howled. (and so did I.)

You must remember Mike. He talked intensely for 2 hours, seemingly without taking a breath and then got up and left in mid-sentence. Maybe he thought I was too quiet seeing as how I never got a word in except hello.

Of course, on the other hand, there was one who was so sexy, even his veins got hard when they were stroked.

Did I tell you about the gentleman who let me know in no uncertain terms that navy blue sheets were masculine and I had no business using them? Well, they had white piping, anyway.

Or how about the one I got on the Matchmaker service? He took me to dinner on our first and only date and even before we had been served the appetizers gave me the full details of the love affair he was having with the neighbor's wife. She wanted to break it off, so he was dutifully having a "date." I don't know who was crazier, since I paid $295 for that date!

Do you remember having to wade through my panty-hose and such to get into my bathroom? Well, I had just done my laundry and this dude dropped in. He got part way into the bathroom, turned around and cried, "My God, you must have the best dressed chest in town." I guess I should wash clothes more often.

I can't leave this one out. This heartbreaker had gorgeous naturally curly hair when I met him at a party, but he arrived at my door for our first date with his hair parted in the middle and held perfectly flat all over with hair spray. I mean, I can take a joke, but he was serious.

Well, so much for that. The dating game has given me many nights in shining amour and it's been fun. However, the law of averages has caught up with me and I am "taken." See what happens if you persevere? Ever think what the last two syllables of that word mean? Ah, the life of a single girl.

Got to go now, dreamboat is arriving momentarily and I have to get my lingerie out of the bathroom.


Ecphorizer Staffer Myra Johnson swings on a star as she relates scenes typical of the singles scene and all is not as it seems.

More Articles by Myra Johnson

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