In-group entertainment for programmers
TYMSINK Corporation is proud to announce their new system elimination language, SAD/PL, which has the following advanced features:
* Recursive Ascent with Bivouacking. The compiler stops and rests between procedures, or when it runs out of rope.
* A Tokenizer that accepts most domestic and foreign currencies, subject to state and local taxes.
* User-friendly error messages, such as "Your code has really been quite good until now, but you seem to have..." and "How about a drink at my place after the abend?"
* A "cliche" construct for commonly used expressions, allowing more compact and witty source code.
* Fully enumerated data types. (1 if by land, 2 if by sea,
* The latest in structured programming, including condos and geodesic domes. Structures are checked against local building codes, and are certified, where possible, as earthquake-proof.
* Advanced programming constructs, such as the "COME FROM" statement, the "PLEASE DO," "PLEASE, PLEASE ME" and "PLEASE MR. POSTMAN" statements, and the everpopular "GO TO JAIL, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO ..." statement.
* A comprehensive library of utilities, all UL approved, including I/O routines, standard math functions, automatic ice maker and trash compactor.
* A fully symbolic runtime rebugging system for checking out errorfree code in the event that it did contain errors. You don't want to get smug, do you?
* A comprehensive procedure-calling mechanism that optimizes zone charges, and may be dialed direct nights and weekends. Parameters may be passed by name, by value, by consensus, or by magic, but in no case may they be passed by crossing over a double yellow line.
In addition, the SAD/PL compiler may be run in one of many special modes:
* The /CLEANCLIMBING mode prevents the driving of pitons for threading code. Hooks may be left for the rebugger but ladders are frowned upon as being in poor taste.
* The /NONEUCLID (or /WARPED) mode performs non-euclidean algebraic optimizations, and allows for non-euclidian equalities. Very handy when implementing spherical queues.
* The /SIEGE mode attacks a program until it surrenders. This mode is known to occasionally take weeks, and may require reinforcements.
Originated by Dave Smith; edited and augmented by JoAnn Malina
He's a real computer scientist for a major metropolitan software house, and has the inevitable home computer , and likes "drinking large quantities of napa Valley wine."
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