The market will either go up or down, depending on what happens, unless you bought some ragged stocks, which are going down anyway. It's your own fault.
This month buy anything that starts with an R, which is not headquartered in Libya, Iran, or Miami. Rodeo management looks promising.
Buzzards are key this month. Should you spot a company with buzzards circling overhead, and rats are seen leaping from the executive offices, try to avoid investing in this company.
Do not buy Government bonds from a man in the bus station. If this man is named "Slim," has bad teeth, tattoos on his hands spelling "Born to Lose," avoid investing in mine ventures, used shoe franchises, or importing South American agricultural products.
© 1986 James C. Holaday
JAMES C. HOLADAY of Henderson, Tennessee, writes: "I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley. Then I wised up and split. Now I live in a town with one stop light and two barbers. It doesn't seem quite real." Don't worry, Jim — it's the same in the big cities.
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