Real Mensans sign their letters.
Real Mensans habitually auscultate rather than engaging in periphrastic bombastry.
Real Mensans never wear bathing suits.
Real Mensans can agree to disagree.
Real Mensans use their intelligence to nourish and enrich. They never use it for selfaggrandizement or witless mockery.
Real Mensans never grind cigarette ashes into someone's oriental carpet while braying "It's good for the rug."
When Real Mensans take things apart to see how they work (clocks, blenders, each other), they always put them back together again.
Real Mensans respect each others' relationships, never fishing in troubled waters.
Real Mensans never badger members of the opposite sex with their attentions.
Real Mensans bring delicious dishes to potlucks, and always help their hostess clean up.
Real Mensans never put down those of lesser mental ability, except those who hold their egos up to be shot at - e.g. politicians, advice columnists, sportscasters, Mrs. Olsen.
Real Mensans promptly recognize and deflate pomposity whenever they encounter it; for pomposity can start wars.
Knowing you can never prove a negative, Real Mensans are not atheists.
Real Mensans would never earn their living creating engines of mass destruction.
Real Mensans love children, if only from a distance, and honor them for their long hard task of growing up.
No Real Mensan would heckle a speaker just to display his own (generally alcohol-augmented) cleverness.
Real Mensans are not proud of their IQ's, which are an accident of genetics; their pride in their actual achievements is quiet and sure.
Real Mensans make sure a drunk gets home safely, even if it means hiding his car keys.
Real Mensans either watch television or they don't, but in any case they don't make a fuss about it.
Real Mensans are a lot like me, with my tastes, prejudices, understandings and shortcomings. Aren't you pleased you didn't have to spend $5.95 to find that out?