The Ecphorizer

Have You Been Traveling Too Long?

Martha Johnson

Issue #01 (September 1981)

Facing mid-trip crisis in India

[quoteleft]Traveling around the world for 4½ months, much of it by land, fills the mind with a mass

You begin to enjoy brushing your teeth in hot tea every morning.

of impressions and experiences. I made such a trip recently and occasionally wondered "Have I been traveling too long?" If that thought has ever occurred to you, you may find the following guide, composed during a lengthy train ride in India, a partial answer to your question.

You've been traveling too long when...

You think nothing of birds flying into the dining room
A first class hotel room is one with a clean sheet on the bed and only small holes in the mosquito net.
You feel that paying 24 cents to have a pedicab driver laboriously haul you uphill is too much.
You are walking down the street and go around a cow without breaking your conversation.
You begin to enjoy brushing your teeth in hot tea every morning.
You think something is wrong with the taxi driver if he has not blown the horn in the last five seconds.
Cutter's Insect Repellant is the only perfume you wear.
You are ecstatic when warm water comes out of the hot water tap in the bathroom.
Someone asks you what time it is and you automatically say "No, go away."

Filling in as Assistant Editor for the early issues, Martha Johnson made several forays outside the U.S. in the 70s and 80s. To fill in time between jaunts she worked as a Programmer-Analyst-Writer and edited several newsletters for different organizations.

Contributor Profile

Martha Johnson

OPEC, Meet COWPEC

Bits & Pieces (Humor)

Issue #01 (September 1981)

"Burping cows must rank as the number one source of air pollution in the U.S.," reports Epalog, an official publication of the Environmental Protection Agency. The article adds that American cows burp about 50 million tons of raw hydrocarbons into the atmosphere every year, and that "ten cows burp enough gas in a year to provide for all the space heating, water heating, and cooking requirements for a small house." The government researchers conclude, sadly, that "there presently exists no available technology for controlling these hydrocarbon emissions."