The Ecphorizer
U.S.A. Annexes Canada |
Susan Packie |
Issue #33 (May 1984)
Los Angeles will stop at nothing in its search for water
In a surprise move yesterday, United States military forces crossed into Canada and declared that the nation would
henceforth [quoteright]be officially considered an American territory.But we are an American territory!
To back up this claim, cruise missiles were paraded around the circumference of Canada and "The Day After" was shown in all major movie theaters. Any connection between the two occurrences was vehemently denied by unnamed, high-placed U.S. officials.
Antinuclear groups who attempted to obstruct the passage of the forces were treated to a thirty-minute atomic display during which the earth rumbled and caved in, blinding lights flashed through the sky, and deer herds collapsed and died.
More importantly, citizens of Quebec were assured that they could continue to speak French after the nation lost its independent status. An Air Force colonel was quoted as saying "No importa."
This excursion provided a unique opportunity to test some of the most advanced weaponry yet devised, including laser blazers and germ extermination. Unfortunately, several weapons misfired, eliminating parts of the Northwest Territories that most people did not even realize existed.
A typical man-on-the-street, when asked for his reaction to this daring move to make his country part of America, replied in a stunned voice "But we are an American territory!"
So much for the quality of geography lessons in the elementary schools.
Satirist Susan Packie has written to warn us that her writings have closed down 105 publications scattered all over the U.S., Canada, and England. We eagerly await this opportunity to take a vacation.
Contributor Profile
Susan Packie
Susan Packie teaches anthropology at Malcolm-King College, which is located in America's premier anthroplogical site, New York City. She has had her work published in more than 80 magazines.
The Choice |
Paul Healy |
Issue #33 (May 1984)
And watched the waves break slowly to and fro,
And thought, when we have ceased to be
This ocean will remain. But is it so?
It may not be - time's steady, tireless hand
Will work unceasingly to empty it at last;
These watery depths will one day be dry land,
Just as they were in some far distant past.
When that day comes will any life remain
To look upon the peaks eons have wrought,?
Or will a hotter sun shine on a plain
Devoid of life? A most unpleasant thought.
Our planet's fate is one that we may choose.
The game is our to win - or ours to lose!
Paul Healy reads old magazine, watches art films, and writes poetry and short fiction from his home in Walnut Creek.
Contributor Profile
Susan Packie
Susan Packie teaches anthropology at Malcolm-King College, which is located in America's premier anthroplogical site, New York City. She has had her work published in more than 80 magazines.