The Ecphorizer

Bartlett's Restaurant Guide

Issue #24 (August 1983)

La Casa Santayana:
Those who cannot remember their last meal here will be forced to order it again.
Marie Antoinette's:
Serves only pastries.
 The Berkeley House:
When you glance away from the table your dinner disappears.
Will Rogers' Diner:
You'll never order a meal you don't like.
Dr. Sam's Greasy Spoon:
The steaks are not done well, but you are amazed to see them done at all.
Mama Lot's Place:
Everything is over-salted.
Chez Voltaire:
If the dish you want doesn't exist, it will be necessary to invent it.
Marshall's Hash House:
A meal as good as a 5-cent cigar.
Reagan's Red-Hots:
When you've seen one weenie, you've seen them all.
Lord Acton's:
The chocolate mousse corrupts you; the complete dessert cart corrupts you absolutely.
Auberge Descartes:
You're eating, therefore you're a customer.
Der Bismarck Hof:
Very rare meat served on iron plates.
Ye Olde Johnson's:
Knowing that you are about to eat here concentrate your mind wonderfully.
Cafe Pangloss:
The best of all possible restaurants.
Nixon's Fast Food:
The chef protests, "I am not a cook!" 

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Rose the Bug
Rhiannon Hemsted

Issue #24 (August 1983)

Once upon a time, there was a small bug. Her name was Rose. She lived with her Mom and Dad in a bush under a fruit tree. They had lots of plants around their home.

Rose was finished with school. Rose was nineteen years old. It was summer - nineteen years past. Rose had seven friends she liked to call on the telephone. She went to the beach, played in the sand, went to Disneyland, Marineland. At last came a sad sad sad day for Rose; her Mother and Father died.

One day Rose was walking far away from her home. A boy was playing near his house. He saw Rose. He picked her up with his hand. He wanted to kill her. He also thought it would be too hard the way she was. He ran inside and got the hammer and killed her, and that was the end of her life. 

Rhiannon Hemsted is one of those delicately expressive modern authors whose works ornament American letters.  A six-year-old, she is a Mensan from Venice, CA.

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Rhiannon Hemsted

Rhiannon Hemsted is one of those delicately expressive modern authors whose works ornament American letters. A six-year-old, she is a Mensan from Venice, CA.