The Ecphorizer

The Mismeasure of Mensa 2
Lottie Fish-Bate

Issue #29 (January 1984)



World War IV


The fate of South America is probably the saddest of all commentaries on the nature of man. The northern (equatorial) part of the continent was destroyed along with the rest of the world. Some survivors in the Southern Temperate Region emerged from caves or underground vaults where they happened to be during the de-ionization. However, the disturbed electromagnetic [quoteright'/>fields rendered them all sterile. (Some of these emerged too far from the sea to reach food. Even though seeds soon sprouted from underground and some trees came back from the roots, these could yield no food for months.)

In the Tierra del Fuego southern tip of South America, even above-ground inhabitants survived, capable of reproduction. Most of these were military personnel and their families, long locked in hatred between Chile, Argentina and England for control of this inhospitable region. With the whole world free for the taking, the Chileans and Argentines nevertheless waged war on each other. (We must remember, if it can be tendered as an excuse, that the rest of the world was temporarily barren, presumably permanently desolate and dangerous from radiation. It was not.)

The Argentines lost the war and escaped by a flotilla of ships to the Falklands where they attacked the English. Orphaned from their home country for support, the Falkland military regime adopted the same nuclear deterrence policy of defense against the Argentines. Not knowing that the invading Argentine military forces were not In control of what remained of the population of Argentina or Chile, the English on the Falkland Islands launched a massive strike on the mainland which killed or rendered sterile all the population. This so angered the Argentine military that they killed the Falklanders man, woman and child.

The Argentine conquerors now had no women to bear their children. They did not know how to manage and farm the Falklands, so most died of starvation. They burned all available wood and paper for fuel, with the exception of one sacred category: all the television sets were spared. Samples of the ash at the transmitter generator indicate that books were burned for electric power in order to send out TV signals.

What ships had not been destroyed in World War IV carried the officer and NCO corps back to Argentina, where they found wives, but could produce no viable children. The Argentine enlisted men on the Falklands died out to the last man in an epidemic which ended their damp and dreary misery in 2007. The few surviving mainlanders who had been children during World War IV lingered on until 2077.

Mensa Desemates the Nazis

The defeat of the English on the Falklands evoked such grim satisfaction among expatriate Nazis in South America that they ceased covert activity and opened their official base on the Falklands after the Argentine officers left. They gloried in the first victory over Allied forces since World War II. Submarines from their secret base under the ice in Antarctica were openly displayed there. Former German officers came to bask in the invaded territory. The few years of sub-tropical weather on the Falklands soon ended, however, and the aging Nazis moved back to Argentina.

With time working on their side, Mensans wisely ignored their Immensan enemies in South America, waiting for them to die out. No cowardice here, just discretion. No aspersions can be cast on Mensans in this regard, because they had saved the Prior World when Nazism had been on the verge of enslaving the earth. Cyril Burt had founded the overt Mensa activities in 1945 after destroying the Third Reich by means of covert Mensan infiltration of the SS.  Burt had laid aside his valued psychological researches and virtually single-handedly turned the tide against the seemingly invincible Axis forces. Burt relished this opportunity to destroy the Nazi distortion of his hereditarian philosophy and Mensan religion.

A little background is appropriate at this point. The worship of our god Mensa had never before been formalized into an organization visible to the public. Even after 1945, the Mensa Society operated under the guise of a social group of high IQ individuals. It was obvious, of course, that the most intelligent would be the first converts to the one true faith. The recent reappearance of Immensism has led to the objection that Nazism could not have been an explicit rejection of Mensa and Mensism, because no such ideology was generally known before 1945. Yet the very fact that Burt could infiltrate into the highest echelons of the Nazi hierarchy shows how freely information could flow between the opposite poles of light and darkness, Mensism and Immensism.

For all their narrow-mindedness, Mensan fundamentalists, with their tireless concordances of the recent discovery of the archives of the John Birch University, have disproven the Immensist skeptics on this issue. Who can now doubt that the acronym "Nazi" meant "Nature's Antagonist Zarathustran Immensism"? They have compiled thousands of instances of the use of the phrase "the immense evils of Nazism." Although the word "immense" was sometimes used in these pre-1967 texts about good things (after all, "Immensan" does not necessarily mean absolute evil - so much of this error comes from incapacity and misguidedness), it is almost never employed in conjunction with negative terms except when talking about Nazism or related subjects. This is true even though Communism was the major threat during those years, 1945-1984.

Of course, such word use is not such conclusive evidence as is now available about Burt's stunning espionage triumph over the SS. The revived Immensans bandied claims that Burt was no war hero, that a mere legend had been formed around him by Jacquelyn Ernie, the High Priestess of Antarctic Mensa-Worship. They charged that no collaboration between Ernie and Burt ever occurred. We now positively know that they did "star" together on the show with the longest total of air time in the U.S. The sacred mementos from Antarctica about Ernie and Burt as the most loved and featured figures on "Sesame Street" have now been confirmed by the fortunate stray find of a 1982 television log which does indeed prove that Sesame Street played for at least an hour a day, six days a week. Burt and Ernie are listed as a team, unlike the other characters who receive less mention and rarely as pairs.

More next month... 

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Lottie Fish-Bate




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