The Ecphorizer

New Software Announcement
Frank Klotz

Issue #11 (July 1982)

Because so many users have asked for an operating system of even greater capability than IBM's current VM system, IBM announces the Virtual Universe Operating System, OS/VU.

Running under OS/VU, the individual user appears to have not merely a machine of his own, but an entire universe dedicated to his actions, in which he can set up and take down his own programs, data sets, systems networks, personnel, national entities, world trade systems, and planetary and solar systems. He need only specify the universe he desires, and the OS/VU system generation program (IBHGOD) does the rest. This program will reside in SYSl.GODLIB. The minimum time required for this function is six days of dedicated machine time and one day of review. In conjunction with OS/VU, all system utilities have been replaced by one program (IEHPROPHET) which will reside in SYSl.MESSIAH. This program requires no parms or control cards as it knows what you want to do when it is executed.

Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree of sophistication in the data processing field if an efficient utilization of OS/VU is to be achieved. Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies, for instance, can lead to unexpected and lengthy delays in the execution of a job. Although IBM, through its wholly owned subsidiary the United States, is working on a program to upgrade the speed of light and thus reduce the overhead of extraterrestrial and meta dimensional paging, users must still be careful to stay well within the present laws of physics. IBM must charge an additional fee for violations.

OS/VU will run on any IBM x0xx ultraprocessor equipped with the Extended WARP feature. Rental prices are commensurate with the processor performance, and should be negotiated prior to ordering to insure proper understanding of the rental contract obligations. IBM also reserves the right to install proprietary password and program interlock systems, to limit user access to their Master Universe. In an earlier version of OS/VU, it was discovered that a system crash in one universe was capable of deleting the realtime existence of several other customers.

Users should be aware that IBM is planning to migrate all existing systems and hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers and programmers effect one output that is (conceptually) errorfree. This will give IBM a base for development of an even more powerful operations system, targeted for year 2001, designated "Virtual Reality," OS/VR. OS/VR is planned to enable the user to migrate to totally unreal universes, of a free form nature and completely unrelated to present reality as currently defined by IBM. To aid the user in identifying the difference between "Virtual Reality" and "Actual Reality" (commonly termed "Native Reality"), a master file containing a linear arrangement of multisensory total records of successive moments of now will be established. It will be designated SYS1.EST. Programming announcements concerning OS/VR will be telepathically forwarded as they are available, rendering it no longer necessary to contact your IBM data processing representative for more information. 

- Captured on the Xerox circuit by Frank Klotz

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Frank Klotz

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