The Ecphorizer

English: An Expressive Language
contributed by Per toft

Issue 13 (February 2008)

English:  An expressive language
Contributed by Per Toft
 
§ I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

§ Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

§ Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now

§ The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

§ The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work

§ To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

§ When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

§ The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

§ A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

§ A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

§ Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

§ We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

§ When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

§ The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

§ The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

§ If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

§ A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

§ What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

§ A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

§ Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

§ A backward poet writes inverse.

§ In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes

§ A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

§ If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

§ With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

§ Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

§ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

§ The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

§ A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

§ You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

§ He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

§ A calendar's days are numbered.

§ A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

§ A boiled egg is hard to beat.

§ He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

§ A plateau is a high form of flattery

§ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

§ When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

§ When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

§ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

§ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

§ Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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