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| The Ecphorizer |
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THE GREAT white shark has no teeth of his own. When he goes out to dine he has to borrow a set from the neighbors. He is readily identified by this, and by the fact that he usually wears a leisure suit and white shoes.
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OVER 50% of the population believes that the residents of Brooklyn, New York, are illiterate, have no fingernails, and eat worms.
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Q. What is the most sparsely attended sporting event in the U.S.?
A. San Francisco Mensa's Annual Squat Tag Championship Playoffs.
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THE MOST accident-free motorists' group in the world is the Association of One-Armed Ethiopian School Bus Drivers.
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ONLY 5% of adult persons in the United States hold up their pants with suspenders. 50% use a belt, 10% rope, 10% haywire, and a rousing 25% use an icepick.
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ABRAHAM LINCOLN was actually only four feet tall. He maintained his illusion of great height by standing on a peccary, or small pig, which he brought along in a suitcase.
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MANY HISTORIANS are dropping the study of oral history to study the anal or Oedipal brand.
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AT THE South Pole, a good cup of coffee will cost you $14.59.
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MOST MUSLIMS believe that their requirement to face toward Mecca while praying is canceled when they have the opportunity to face the bum end of a kneeling school boy.
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NOT ONE of Jesus's disciples knew how to ride a bicycle.
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MOST IRANIANS believe that hypocrisy is inherited.
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ALBANIA MAY be no bigger than Maryland, but it has 50% more cases of herpes Zoroaster.
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COLOMBIAN BEES can't sting, but they can really kick hell out of you with their big, ugly feet.
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HALF OF the houses built in the last 40 years have been converted to shooting galleries.
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THOUSANDS OF teenagers suffer needlessly from terminal acne, which can be cured simply by shooting up with chunky peanut butter.
So there.
(Warren Fogard)
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